I would like to share with everybody a comparison of the terms "accept" and "tolerate". It has come up in a game design discussion on Twitter that certain words, acceptance and tolerance, are generally misunderstood, or used, when it comes to the behaviors of others. This started with a tweet saying that somebody had asked their class if they would play a game with a homosexual male hero rather than a heterosexual male hero, and that nobody said they would. Immediately after that came a tweet that called such people "pathetic" for not wanting to play a game with that content as though they were condemning others for their choices by not being willing to act out those choices in a game. Acceptance gets thrown around in these situations, but accepting an idea for yourself isn't the same as accepting the views of another. The latter is tolerance if you don't agree.
So, let's start off with some definitions to give a common ground.
Accept Definition | Definition of Accept at Dictionary.com
If you look, most of that is using the word as positive affirmation of some sort, agreeing with the views stated. However, the big difference between accept like that and accepting the views or choices of another is in what you are saying is true, right, okay and so on. If accept that the sky is blue, that means I now think the sky is blue. If I accept that you think the sky is green with brown spots, that means I now think you think the sky is green with browns spots. It does not mean I agree that the sky is green with brown spots. Why is this important? Well, to say they mean the same is to say that "yes" is the same as "no", which obviously makes it inaccurate in normal uses.
Tolerate Definition | Definition of Tolerate at Dictionary.com
So, to tolerate does not mean to agree with or to help, but rather not to take action deliberately against whatever is being tolerated. It's like patriotism. Being a patriot doesn't mean you are against the other groups, but rather that you are for your own group. Put that into views and opinions and you get tolerance of other views and opinions. As an American this hits close to home, as one of the big topics of American history is tolerance of religious, social and other beliefs that don't take away the rights of others. In essence, tolerance means taking a neutral stance of taking no specific effort to help or hinder with no mention of your own beliefs, though the assumed would be that you disagree.
So, the discussion and those words apply to both education and game design via human interaction. Let's look at the conversation as it happened.
Another person joined the discussion, while persons A and B did not join the discourse that arose out of their comments. Two ideas seemed hard to get through in it, that one's choice in games to play doesn't necessarily mean anything more than personal preference of games to play and that one can "accept the difference" without agreeing. To the credit of Person C, who with myself did most of the discussing, they considered the ideas rather than just dismissing them. Plenty of people get into the polarized debate mentality which segregates people into allies and enemies. Many people take it a step farther and assume the if you agree with them you are right and if you disagree you are close minded, wrong and possibly stupid. It only gets worse with sensitive topics. That's why I said that it was to the credit of Person C that they didn't close their mind to the possibilities.
Besides the obvious uses in a classroom and game to shape the experience, their is another possibility to use this to help people think in a more open minded and humane way. Each individual has at least one motivation for any particular action. To dismiss that thought, reasoning and views behind another's actions is to think of the person as sub-human. In learning about the views and reasons behind the actions of others, one can come to terms with the idea of tolerating, because that is agreeing to disagree. Doing that requires acceptance of the other person's humanity, intelligence and worth as a human; unless you are thinking of the person as a thing.
That's easily understood as being applied to the "audience", students or players. In the classroom some students need help to understand what comes easily to others, be that extra time from the teacher or something to overcome a disability. The same goes for players. I've worked on a User Interface with Rob Florio and had classes with a person who in high school and college who was barely able to hear and speak. I've also done tutoring since middle school, so my personal view is that everybody has both strengths and weaknesses, but some are more obvious than others. Each person is a human, and individual, with emotions, beliefs, thoughts, reasoning, dreams and motivation.
However, that is the application that shapes the experience while the other application is putting people into situations that challenge how we view life. A great example are the stories where it seems that one of the villains is cruel and ruthless beyond redemption till it becomes known that the person has been having ethical dilemmas the whole way and was misinformed. Would you have been wrong in their shoes? This can also be seen in the stories where you gain understanding as to why the overly-strict teacher, or supervisor, is so strict. Maybe they have their own problems that have mentally and emotionally scarred them. It's also possible they are handling way more than you know or they can easily handle. Maybe they were right to be that strict. History for instance isn't just a bunch of facts and dates, it's the stories of every individual interwoven into a single tapestry. Those who find history most interesting seem to be interested in either the things of the time period or the people.
The two applications have a real effect on our daily lives. Those who do not consider the views of others limit themselves. What would happen if a popular socialite and a tech savvy nerd/geek were to work together and help each other? The one is better with people while the other is better with technology. Those two could easily be the ones behind some awesome events as the tech and social engineering aspects of the events are both taken care of, repeatedly. That's just the start.
When dealing with conflicts, remembering to tolerate people having bad days, misunderstandings and so on will do wonders for you. As a person used to internet forums, I've had discussions that were arguments to the other person, or where they were just having a bad day and I was the final straw. One of my favorite sayings is, "life happens" and the reason is that bad days will come. We should be willing to assume the person was pushed to, and beyond, their limit.
I've been told repeatedly that life is not black and white. Patience, consideration and benefit of the doubt are good things to me, "white" if you will. Jumping to conclusions, not listening and reacting without care are not good things to me, "black" if you will. Together these pieces make a mural of varying shades of gray. There is selfishness in every action we make and some good in them too. The reason is that no person is wholly one or the other. This is part of humanity that we need to remember if we are to be tolerant, and to truly understand tolerance. It's also easily forgotten.
Have fun, spread the word and tell me what you think,
Igen Oukan
So, let's start off with some definitions to give a common ground.
Accept Definition | Definition of Accept at Dictionary.com
"ac⋅cept
–verb (used with object)
1. to take or receive (something offered); receive with approval or favor: to accept a present; to accept a proposal.
2. to agree or consent to; accede to: to accept a treaty; to accept an apology.
3. to respond or answer affirmatively to: to accept an invitation.
4. to undertake the responsibility, duties, honors, etc., of: to accept the office of president.
5. to receive or admit formally, as to a college or club.
6. to accommodate or reconcile oneself to: to accept the situation.
7. to regard as true or sound; believe: to accept a claim; to accept Catholicism.
8. to regard as normal, suitable, or usual.
9. to receive as to meaning; understand.
10. Commerce. to acknowledge, by signature, as calling for payment, and thus to agree to pay, as a draft.
11. (in a deliberative body) to receive as an adequate performance of the duty with which an officer or a committee has been charged; receive for further action: The report of the committee was accepted.
12. to receive or contain (something attached, inserted, etc.): This socket won't accept a three-pronged plug.
13. to receive (a transplanted organ or tissue) without adverse reaction. Compare reject (def. 7).
–verb (used without object)
14. to accept an invitation, gift, position, etc. (sometimes fol. by of)."
If you look, most of that is using the word as positive affirmation of some sort, agreeing with the views stated. However, the big difference between accept like that and accepting the views or choices of another is in what you are saying is true, right, okay and so on. If accept that the sky is blue, that means I now think the sky is blue. If I accept that you think the sky is green with brown spots, that means I now think you think the sky is green with browns spots. It does not mean I agree that the sky is green with brown spots. Why is this important? Well, to say they mean the same is to say that "yes" is the same as "no", which obviously makes it inaccurate in normal uses.
Tolerate Definition | Definition of Tolerate at Dictionary.com
"tol⋅er⋅ate
–verb (used with object), -at⋅ed, -at⋅ing.
1. to allow the existence, presence, practice, or act of without prohibition or hindrance; permit.
2. to endure without repugnance; put up with: I can tolerate laziness, but not incompetence.
3. Medicine/Medical. to endure or resist the action of (a drug, poison, etc.).
4. Obsolete. to experience, undergo, or sustain, as pain or hardship."
So, to tolerate does not mean to agree with or to help, but rather not to take action deliberately against whatever is being tolerated. It's like patriotism. Being a patriot doesn't mean you are against the other groups, but rather that you are for your own group. Put that into views and opinions and you get tolerance of other views and opinions. As an American this hits close to home, as one of the big topics of American history is tolerance of religious, social and other beliefs that don't take away the rights of others. In essence, tolerance means taking a neutral stance of taking no specific effort to help or hinder with no mention of your own beliefs, though the assumed would be that you disagree.
So, the discussion and those words apply to both education and game design via human interaction. Let's look at the conversation as it happened.
Person A: Asked my class if they'd play a game in which a male hero saves a male love interest rather than a female one. No one said yes.
Person B: realy? there are people that pathetic still around these days? depressing
Myself: A lack of interest in playing a particular style of game design or story doesn't make one "pathetic".
Person C: Not particular style, supposedly in modern culture we should be able to accept the difference with a blink of the eye
Another person joined the discussion, while persons A and B did not join the discourse that arose out of their comments. Two ideas seemed hard to get through in it, that one's choice in games to play doesn't necessarily mean anything more than personal preference of games to play and that one can "accept the difference" without agreeing. To the credit of Person C, who with myself did most of the discussing, they considered the ideas rather than just dismissing them. Plenty of people get into the polarized debate mentality which segregates people into allies and enemies. Many people take it a step farther and assume the if you agree with them you are right and if you disagree you are close minded, wrong and possibly stupid. It only gets worse with sensitive topics. That's why I said that it was to the credit of Person C that they didn't close their mind to the possibilities.
Besides the obvious uses in a classroom and game to shape the experience, their is another possibility to use this to help people think in a more open minded and humane way. Each individual has at least one motivation for any particular action. To dismiss that thought, reasoning and views behind another's actions is to think of the person as sub-human. In learning about the views and reasons behind the actions of others, one can come to terms with the idea of tolerating, because that is agreeing to disagree. Doing that requires acceptance of the other person's humanity, intelligence and worth as a human; unless you are thinking of the person as a thing.
That's easily understood as being applied to the "audience", students or players. In the classroom some students need help to understand what comes easily to others, be that extra time from the teacher or something to overcome a disability. The same goes for players. I've worked on a User Interface with Rob Florio and had classes with a person who in high school and college who was barely able to hear and speak. I've also done tutoring since middle school, so my personal view is that everybody has both strengths and weaknesses, but some are more obvious than others. Each person is a human, and individual, with emotions, beliefs, thoughts, reasoning, dreams and motivation.
However, that is the application that shapes the experience while the other application is putting people into situations that challenge how we view life. A great example are the stories where it seems that one of the villains is cruel and ruthless beyond redemption till it becomes known that the person has been having ethical dilemmas the whole way and was misinformed. Would you have been wrong in their shoes? This can also be seen in the stories where you gain understanding as to why the overly-strict teacher, or supervisor, is so strict. Maybe they have their own problems that have mentally and emotionally scarred them. It's also possible they are handling way more than you know or they can easily handle. Maybe they were right to be that strict. History for instance isn't just a bunch of facts and dates, it's the stories of every individual interwoven into a single tapestry. Those who find history most interesting seem to be interested in either the things of the time period or the people.
The two applications have a real effect on our daily lives. Those who do not consider the views of others limit themselves. What would happen if a popular socialite and a tech savvy nerd/geek were to work together and help each other? The one is better with people while the other is better with technology. Those two could easily be the ones behind some awesome events as the tech and social engineering aspects of the events are both taken care of, repeatedly. That's just the start.
When dealing with conflicts, remembering to tolerate people having bad days, misunderstandings and so on will do wonders for you. As a person used to internet forums, I've had discussions that were arguments to the other person, or where they were just having a bad day and I was the final straw. One of my favorite sayings is, "life happens" and the reason is that bad days will come. We should be willing to assume the person was pushed to, and beyond, their limit.
I've been told repeatedly that life is not black and white. Patience, consideration and benefit of the doubt are good things to me, "white" if you will. Jumping to conclusions, not listening and reacting without care are not good things to me, "black" if you will. Together these pieces make a mural of varying shades of gray. There is selfishness in every action we make and some good in them too. The reason is that no person is wholly one or the other. This is part of humanity that we need to remember if we are to be tolerant, and to truly understand tolerance. It's also easily forgotten.
Have fun, spread the word and tell me what you think,
Igen Oukan
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